tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post3262256389149273293..comments2023-06-14T09:27:11.850-05:00Comments on Steven's Rants: Breaking UpStevenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13346506272189195497noreply@blogger.comBlogger17125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-24927259496688440722014-02-19T07:24:34.203-06:002014-02-19T07:24:34.203-06:00You are such a special guy, Steven. Please keep re...You are such a special guy, Steven. Please keep replaying what you said here: "I'm beginning to turn my thinking around from looking at all the failures, to seeing how many times I got up again."Langley Cornwellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02064219496272043638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-38139261660018165822014-02-19T07:23:47.182-06:002014-02-19T07:23:47.182-06:00This comment has been removed by the author.Langley Cornwellhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02064219496272043638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-76395298807910366772014-02-12T22:11:52.748-06:002014-02-12T22:11:52.748-06:00I hope your loved one made it through to the other...I hope your loved one made it through to the other side, Colleen. Thank you.Stevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13346506272189195497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-36801900730216025092014-02-12T19:56:36.918-06:002014-02-12T19:56:36.918-06:00Steven, this subject is closer to my heart than yo...Steven, this subject is closer to my heart than you know... someone I love very much, very dearly has walked down this path and so I know to an extent what this journey is like..... from that other side. It is very painful to see the ones we love suffer from this cruel disease, and to not be able to do a damn thing about it but simply love them and be there for them, yet to not enable. Just keep doing the next right thing, my friend.<br /><br />I want you to know that I so admire you for sharing your heart, and remind you are very loved and we are all pulling for you. Keep on writing, as much as you need to. We will listen and support you! You can do this, one day, one moment at a time. Sending lots of positive vibes your way, and love too... HUGSColleen Keller Breuninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08736334202387070432noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-8048764234584096622014-02-12T14:58:36.106-06:002014-02-12T14:58:36.106-06:00Making me cry here, thank you Ileene. Love you to...Making me cry here, thank you Ileene. Love you too.Stevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13346506272189195497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-37365680181118173872014-02-12T09:22:19.221-06:002014-02-12T09:22:19.221-06:00OK I had this all down last night, and it disappea...OK I had this all down last night, and it disappeared so I’ll try to replicate. I was just “blown away “by this post .First of all your time line. I was an addict for 20 years too. There are many reason we start doing drugs, mostly for recreation in the beginning, but later on the “addiction part” in both our cases comes from abuse as a child, and ours the very deepest kind. (it’s text book~ really I learned this from volunteering in a women’s shelter, so there is the REASON , not the EXCUSE. Steven, this blog you wrote , THAT WAS MY LIFE, you just described all the abuse and the going back and forth, the angst and then throw in the drugs, BAM there it is... You’ve read my survivor blogs, so you know. All of it ,the drugs the people all combine into a swirling cess pool that eventually began to well up in my throat and choke the life out of me, slowly but surely, all the while feeling pretty damn good, (well most of the time.) With each beating as well as each crack pipe hit I felt my life force slipping away from me. I was a “functioning addict” too. (Although I often sacrificed electricity and food for a hit,) But I always had a roof over my head, even if I was “couch surfing”. I always had a job too, often only having each one for no more than a year at a time, but I always had one and I never missed a day from being dope-sick because then I wouldn’t have the money for the next day. I stole from my job,( it’s a blessing they didn’t prosecute ) I stole from my friends and I stole from my INVALID father. (He was a bastard and he lived with me, so I rationalized it that way) But that is the one transgression that to this day can still bring tears to my eyes and I haven’t resolved in my heart or forgiven myself for. (I’m working on it) Eventually my human lover left and at the time I was relived because I didn’t have to “share my drugs” with anyone anymore and I continued on for a couple of years, Often letting my dealers deal out of my place and came dangerously close to being busted. Then there was this one day in the middle of the summer as I sat in my living room, flat broke, no electricity ( again) no water no food no nothing. Sweating my ass off, all I could do was sleep and when the sleep would no longer come, I watched as people walked up and down the street and played and worked in their yards. I cried to myself” I don’t want to die this way; I just want to be NORMAL. I just want to be normal like they are. (SIMPLE AS THAT).I wants my respect back and the respect of my family and friends. “So I set a date October 1, 1999. I partied like a rock star (loll) until the night before and I knew with all certainty I would stop that day. Now I was lucky I had people who loved and held me accountable to make sure I did indeed quit. But after that I would say “ I don’t know if the sun is coming up tomorrow, but I DO KNOW I will never ever do drugs again” That is still true today. So Steven just don’t die…just live for us for everybody who loves you. Live the kind of life you were meant to live, you know this, you have already put long stretches of sobriety behind you, WE need you I need to read your blogs and know that you are ok or not, you certainly have the right to have your good days and your bad, but just “live well “. WE are here, you have to reach out, there is NO JUDGEMENT , really there isn’t throw away the guilt you feel, WE KNOW , it appears many of us here are addicts too. When you fall we will pick you up, when you are high on life ( only we are there with you too..I love you honestly I do..never laid eyes on you and I feel I know you. One moment at a time..right now, ONE moment at a time..ILeenenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-11245377483750995682014-02-12T08:47:11.826-06:002014-02-12T08:47:11.826-06:00Three steps forward...three (sometimes four) steps...Three steps forward...three (sometimes four) steps back.<br /><br />It is the path. <br /><br />Keep walking. Another Government Employeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11736588211704245188noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-85609524961943281762014-02-12T07:23:43.396-06:002014-02-12T07:23:43.396-06:00Even though I am one that spent many many years in...Even though I am one that spent many many years in the meeting next door to your meeting {Al-Anon, that is}, I came to love a whole slew of folks walking your path. A very old time member always referred to addiction as a malady. Incurable but treatable. Every day it has to be treated. But he also always said that without raw honesty it would never be treated. God, what I wish for you is to hook up with someone like him. Your honesty tells me you have so much to give back to a world full of addicts struggling with the break up. Keep writing it out ...it's the only way I can hold you accountable from such a distance :) paigehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02904641229155957748noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-49001715009157090112014-02-12T07:19:30.451-06:002014-02-12T07:19:30.451-06:00Keep writing this and I'll help you make it in...Keep writing this and I'll help you make it into a book. Seriously.Brit Blaisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02715123723770842970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-83641152359334766552014-02-11T22:45:00.465-06:002014-02-11T22:45:00.465-06:00I'll find out won't I? I know you get the...I'll find out won't I? I know you get the relationship part.Stevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13346506272189195497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-59888206348354893072014-02-11T22:08:46.110-06:002014-02-11T22:08:46.110-06:00Wouldn’t want your mind to explode - might be mess...Wouldn’t want your mind to explode - might be messy. The rollercoaster is a bitch. Does it pay to find someone from the meeting you went to? Just asking Excellent analogy Fear of the unknown is the worst no matter what that unknown might be. Believe me when I say – I understand (but you don't think anyone does)suehttp://sassyspeaks.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-46166497337289970942014-02-11T21:35:43.691-06:002014-02-11T21:35:43.691-06:00Strength or stubbornness? Both? I'm beginnin...Strength or stubbornness? Both? I'm beginning to turn my thinking around from looking at all the failures, to seeing how many times I got up again. I will beat this. Thank you for keeping faith in me Rebecca.Stevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13346506272189195497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-53698557441307538582014-02-11T21:33:08.416-06:002014-02-11T21:33:08.416-06:00Overdose was always on my mind. I used to have a ...Overdose was always on my mind. I used to have a sick pride that I was so smart and careful with dosing with whatever I used. It aided my delusion that I could keep it up. I did OD in 2011. Fortunately was with someone at the time. Didn't tell anyone here. And it didn't stop me from picking right back up again.Stevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13346506272189195497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-45514234915726171092014-02-11T21:27:31.560-06:002014-02-11T21:27:31.560-06:00Love you Kim. Thank you.Love you Kim. Thank you.Stevenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13346506272189195497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-69117868408681379622014-02-11T19:09:17.239-06:002014-02-11T19:09:17.239-06:00Anyone who has in any way walked a similar walk as...Anyone who has in any way walked a similar walk as you, will understand. To simply put something that has hold of you so completely and walk away, is darn near impossible. To be able to admit ones struggles shows strength.. you do have a strength within you..and you have a very strong support group in your friends.continue to reach out.. and they will help hold on and together, you can beat this. I've heard it said that nothing worth doing comes easy..that holds true here.But I do believe in you and I know you can do this. One moment at a time.Rebecca S. Revelshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07094453006272378996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-56523203386048758872014-02-11T17:42:16.565-06:002014-02-11T17:42:16.565-06:00Okay, I'll try this again. I don't know if...Okay, I'll try this again. I don't know if it's the pain or if my last comment needed approval. If so...delete the first one. If a first one doesn't exist, no surprise there. <br /><br />What worries me most about your situation is how you body could react to a binge once you've been clean for a time...it seems a little like Russian roulette. One day you might not come back. You are so very, very brave to talk about this in public. I admire your courage and I care. Brit Blaisehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02715123723770842970noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4453215618236049952.post-3129334444030660942014-02-11T17:31:16.560-06:002014-02-11T17:31:16.560-06:00I'll always be here. Just try alienating me, I...I'll always be here. Just try alienating me, I dare you :) Also... That whole "don't leave before the miracle happens" thing? I think I interpret that differently and I'm sticking around. You're always special to me, I love seeing you fight for the light. It's my reason to smile today, so thanks <3 ~ KimAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com