"Life does not necessarily get better in recovery, it's just that the way you deal with the things that come up does get better."
The above statement was posted by someone on a recovery forum I visit, and the insight is something I needed to read today.
I constantly fail at recovery because I fail to see how life is any better when I'm sober. Being sober is boring, tedious, and immensely more painful than not. So I throw in the towel all too quickly when my life doesn't instantly become great.
I guess addicts, when bottoming out, seem to view recovery through rose colored glasses....if I could only get my act together and stop using, life will be fantastic! I'll be healthy! My friends and family won't hate me! I'll be employed! I'll have money! And when none of that materializes as quickly as we think it should, we get self-defeated and then start to look at our using life through rose colored glasses....it wasn't so bad! The buzz is great! Life will be fun again! I won't let myself get in as bad as I did before, I can handle it! And the cycle continues.
I guess I needed to hear those words today - that my life won't necessarily get better if I get sober - because I'm tired of being on that cycle, and I'm tired of being sold the lie that all will be perfect if I'm sober, and I'm tired of feeling like I'm a complete failure if I can't live up to the standards I place on myself when sober. It was a poignant dose of reality from someone who's been there, done that, and gets it.
The question is, do I want to face sobriety knowing that?