I'm filled with rage over the most simple, petty things. I recognize it, but have trouble controlling it.
Someone slights me, I want to smash things.
Someone ignores me, I want to do something that makes them take notice. Even if it hurts me in the end.
I seek privacy, while at the same time call out for attention.
I reach out to others, and immediately feel ashamed and regret it when they respond.
I take proof of one good day, and use it to sabotage myself into thinking it's never going to happen again.
Hell, I sabotage myself into thinking anything, as long as it leads me back into using.
I question why I even bother trying. Everyday.
I question why I bother writing this out, it's just another shameful ploy for attention, right?
I read back on what I write and realize that I have the emotional equivalency of a toddler. Holy shit.
Posting anyway. Fuck it.