Thursday, February 6, 2014

Keeping It Real

I'm filled with rage over the most simple, petty things.  I recognize it, but have trouble controlling it.

Someone slights me, I want to smash things.

Someone ignores me, I want to do something that makes them take notice.  Even if it hurts me in the end.

I seek privacy, while at the same time call out for attention.

I reach out to others, and immediately feel ashamed and regret it when they respond.

I take proof of one good day, and use it to sabotage myself into thinking it's never going to happen again.

Hell, I sabotage myself into thinking anything, as long as it leads me back into using.

I question why I even bother trying.  Everyday.

I question why I bother writing this out, it's just another shameful ploy for attention, right?

I read back on what I write and realize that I have the emotional equivalency of a toddler.  Holy shit.

Posting anyway.  Fuck it.