For that's what it's come down to, no matter how optimistic we've tried to be, no matter how much we pimped protest blogs and wrote letters of complaint to the execs, no matter that we actually attracted the attention of VP Sean Percival to the point that he personally responded to comments addressing concerns.....it wasn't enough.
Oh sure, I have no doubt that they'll fix some of the things we've been complaining about, but at this point who cares? So many bloggers have left in mass exodus never to return, and I sure as hell don't believe any new people will be flocking to Myspace simply to blog now. Our tight-knit community has been scattered to the cyberwind.
I've been so caught up in all the drama over this the last few weeks, this current week being the most frenzied emotional week of them all since this started, that I've been neglecting something very serious.
Recovery, of course.
I feel like I've lost my family....only I haven't. Most of us have hooked up in one way or the other by Facebook, here on Blogger, or via personal email. So it's not like I've lost them....it's just.... different.
So why should that matter? Why should the format make any difference? We're all still hanging on, right? Right. But, the change has happened so fast that I'm still in a bit of shock over it all. It's amazing how passionately we feel over the loss of our "home" on the 'Space. Some people have even commented that their Myspace friends mean more to them than their offline friends.
Now a few years ago that would have been a red flag for some serious mental issues.....but now? Now it makes total sense and I feel the same way about some. The world has moved into such a virtual-texting-plugged in-online existence that yeah, these cyber friendships have evolved into something real. I mean hey, I'm not some troll bot sitting here typing, I'm a real flesh and blood human. So what if I never meet any of you in person? Does that make the friendship less valid?
Anyway....back to recovery....
I'll admit that this has shaken me up quite a bit. I've been drinking massively every night this week and have chosen to ignore my sober strategies to deal with stress. I've barely slept for shit and have been relying on heavy caffeiene to get through the day. I've been eating like shit, or not eating at all. Consequently, I feel like utter shit. I even fucking dreamed of shit last night....now that's messed up.
So now that the worst of the massive drama is over and calming down, I need to figure out how to mentally move foward from this upheaval. And take better care of myself. And....and....etc. etc.
My goals for this coming weekend are thus:
- stay sober
- get real sleep
- eat healthy
- get some exercise
- focus on the positives
- remember I am powerless over all the Myspace shit, focus on things I can change.