Dopamine

Screaming children surround us,

smiles lighting up their faces as

the roller coaster inches its way

up towards the drop o'doom;

we plunge down into the void

that spins us up and down,

loop-de-loop, over and under,

until easing into a smooth stop.

We pour out of the car,

a smile lighting up her face

as she turns to me for validation:

did I have fun too?

I plaster a smile on my face

because it's what is expected of me,

and watch the children around me

clamour to "go just one more time!"

The rush is over, but their euphoria 

will last a few hours yet.

I muse how this is considered

normal.

I wonder why this isn't enough,

why I prefer my high to this.

The slow inching of the amber liquid

into the chamber swirling with blood;

the plunge down into the void, the 

rush that spins me up and down,

loop-de-loop, over and under

until easing into a smooth peace.

My euphoria, too, will last 

a few hours yet....until

my body clamours to do it

again, "just one more time!"

She's looking at me, 

waiting for an answer.

I say "of course!" and kiss her cheek.

I don't say I'd rather have my kind of high.

copyright Steven Clark, 2011