Sunday, September 25, 2011

Judgement GBE 19

Last week Jamey Rodemeyer, 14, committed suicide after suffering being bullied for years.  His tormentors bullied him for his sexual orientation.

Earlier this year, he made this video as part of the It Gets Better project after coming out as bisexual.

Unfortunately, the bullying became too much to take and he ended his life on his terms.

When are we going to grow up?  When are people going to accept that being gay or bi isn't a choice, but the way people are born?  When are people going to accept that being gay or bi isn't the result of a moral failing, a mental disorder, or a deviant perversion?  When are people going to stop judging others based on their sexual orientation?

I have little hope that it will happen in my lifetime.  Last week's official end of Don't Ask, Don't Tell in the U.S. military was a huge step forward, at least I thought.  Until it became clear from the jeering of a gay U.S. soldier during the most recent Republican debate in Florida, just how many people still have this archaic idea of what it means to be gay.  Rick Santorum responded that he would repeal DADA, that he feels sex has no place in the military.

Well, yea, sexual intercourse has no place in the military.  But would he go so far as to prohibit heterosexuals from talking about their wives or girlfriends?  Putting their photos on their desk or beside their bed?  Talking about their kids?  Talking about loved ones with their coworkers?

I hightly doubt it....yet this is the kind of double standard that homosexuals put up with everyday.  The fact that there have always been gays in the military seems to escape peoples' memory, yet read the online comments following any article about the end of DADA and one would think there are none, and we must keep them out before all hell breaks loose!  Give. Me. A. Fucking. Break.

It's this kind of judgement, discrimination, and outright bigotry that our children have to face every day.  Can you imagine being a gay, bi, or transgendered child, knowing you are different, but not daring to acknowledge it?  Feeling like you have no where, or no one, to turn to to talk about it, knowing that this difference is perceived of as wrong by everyone around you.  Most kids go to great lengths to hide it, to deny it, because this feeling of wrongness is so indoctrinated into our culture that even kids as young as five years old can sense it.  Yet their heterosexual counterparts know no such feelings of wrongness about their existence.  They don't go about their day trying to hide their core selves, for fear of retaliation.  They don't even think about their just is.

Wouldn't it be great to see a day when all children, no matter their orientation, can just view their sexuality as just is and not question it, not feel shame about it, and not fear what others will do to them over it?  A day when a child doesn't have to go to school full of dread and shame, knowing the taunts and abuse that will take place before the end of the day?  All based on the way that person was born.  I really hope I live to see that day.

Lady Gaga, at a recent concert, paid tribute to Jamey.  Mid-song, she pauses and states, "Bullying is for losers."


This is for GBE week 19, "Judgement"


  1. There will always be judgement as long as people consider themselves to be "separate" from each other. Good one as always my brother..XOXO

  2. Great post Steven--you are right--bullying on all levels just needs to stop. Period. Whether it be this issue or any other issue--it should NEVER be tolerated.

    I was horrified to learn about Jamey.


  3. Some years back, my niece's husband's little brother hanged himself in his parents' garage because he was gay and felt so overwhelmed with shame and aloneness. He was 17.

    He'd tried to kill himself once before that and his mom got him counseling. He came out to the counselor and then to his mother, who refused to believe him. She sent him to the priest, who confirmed his fears of unforgivable sin.

    Before he died, he wrote a note. He again stated that he was gay and begged for forgiveness--both for his sexual orientation and his choice to commit suicide--another supposed unforgivable sin. Even after all of that, even after this boy suffered and DIED because of his sexuality, his mother and aunt stated aloud that he was not gay.

    That poor child died alone, terrified, and certain that he was going to hell. When will we learn?

  4. As so many have put it - when did anyone choose to be straight? There was never a point where I reached some sexual fork in the road, and wavered, hmmm, I could go this way, or I could go that way. Maybe I'll flip a coin.

    We need to stop bullying people for being different, period. Gay, straight, tall, short, thin, fat, light or dark-skinned, clumsy or athletically gifted, everybody brings something to the table. October is, among other things, Bullying Prevention Month. Do a search for that phrase and follow the link for ways you can make a stand against bullying.

  5. I'm not even gonna comment here - I saw the article about the soldier not about the young man. You know how I feel and you are right, not in our lifetime. end of subject - remind me to send you my latest write which is on the subject by the way

  6. Steven...In my perfect world everyone would be free to be. Period. Just be. We would all do the 'right' thing because the golden rule would be our law. Bullying is egregious and never helps anyone in anyway. It needs to be punished with great aggression by our local authorities and reported by anyone who sees it or knows of it as soon as possible.
    I am ashamed to live in a country where loving someone is illegal or unacceptable. I don't care if a man loves another man, I care that each have found love. In my perfect world, it will just be another wedding.
    Excellent post and I agree start to finish.
    It saddens me endlessly to know that children are dying today because it's 'wrong' to be gay/lesbian. It isn't wrong, it is how God made you and he isn't wrong.

  7. Maybe within our lifetimes there will be acceptance.

  8. For all our foibles and drama, flight crews are pretty open and accepting. I like that about my industry.
    I did a stint in the Coast Guard. I'd be surprised if attitudes have changed much. So be honest, don't blink and let the rest of us grow up. Good post.

  9. Virgo: thanks hon.

    Jenn: And Jamey isn't even the first to be in the news for doing this, he's just gotten more attention than others because of his young age. It's sad that anyone, any age, must endure this.

    Beth: I wonder how much shame and hatred must exist for a family to go to such lengths to deny the truth? And why is that truth so horrifying to accept?

    Beverly: Excellent, I like the "sexual fork in the road" analogy. On the flip side, why would anyone CHOOSE to be gay, knowing what they'll face?

  10. Sue: yep, I know. Hugs hon.

    Jo: It's hard to find a way to go after kid bullies, IMO, because most of the time the kids are just acting on what they've been taught in the home. How to go after the parents who have indoctrinated such hatred and bigotry in their children should be part of the equation too.

  11. got this in my in box today - tuesday morning usually a 24 hour delay ... but I got it I replied to it and you're writing - think of all the gay visible minoriy addicts....

  12. I am bi-sexual and it took me about 45 years to admit publicly. I also consider myself mixed, or transgender, because my body stopped development and I was born partially cooked. In some ways, like emotionally I tend to be more like a guy than a girl. I wrote my memoir Bad Girl Gone Mom the way I did because Tyler Clementi committed suicide for the same reasons Jamey did. Unlike you, I do believe we can impact the way people see GLBTs. I'm not gonna give up til we change the way people see gender and sexual orientation.

  13. Well said. Agree with you more than 100%--if that were possible.

  14. I look at this as the next stage of civil rights. In the 1960s blacks drank from separate water fountains, sat at the back of the bus, etc. Today we've elected a black man as president and many look back at our history and can't understand how people could have treated blacks so wrongly. One day, we'll elect a gay president and future generations will wonder why gays were treated as they were in the 2010s.


  15. Someday there may be acceptance. One can only hope. As Joyce said, I believe also this is the next level of civil rights. Great post!