Thursday, July 18, 2013

To Thrive

To thrive....not just survive....that is what many consider to be a sign of a successful life.  But what does it mean to thrive?

Is it having a well paying job with extra income, either to spend or to save?

Is it being surrounded by loved ones, either your own offspring or other family or friends?

Is it having a career that brings fulfillment and purpose do your life?

Is it having a hobby or interest that brings fulfillment and purpose to your life when other things don't?

I realize that there is no black and white answer to this question and it's going to be unique for each person. And what of us survivors who have, for one reason or another, beat incredible odds and are still upright and breathing?  Isn't that enough?

I think back over everything I've experienced in my life up to this point, and think, "Holy shit.  How am I even still alive?"  That in itself is pretty fucking incredible.  On good days, I feel a sense of accomplishment for the fact that I can get out of bed.  Grateful that I've been able to keep my shit together long enough to stay employed at the same place for over a year now.  Proud that I haven't been evicted, and that I can pay (most) of my bills.  I think, "Hey look at me.  I'm doing it."  Life, that is.

On bad days, none of that matters.  The weight of a million mistakes falls upon me like hurricane waves battering against a wall.  I think of the endless "second chances" I've been given, and wonder what my life would be like now if only I had stuck with it then and had no third and fourth-to-a-thousand-ones.  I think about all of the things I should have done, and didn't.  All of the things I should have accomplished by now, but haven't.  Things that society says I should have, like a wife and offspring.  And if I can't "man up and deal with it" then I'm a failure, and "doing it wrong."  And then I think of chucking it all in and giving up, because what's the point?

Anyway.....thriving.  What constitutes thriving, and who makes that decision?  I feel I'm thriving if I wake up clean every day.  Isn't that enough?


  1. Thriving is waking up every day relatively pain free. It's knowing each day is a chance to be better while accepting that I am not, nor will I ever be, perfect. I will be better today than I was yesterday. I will give love because that's how we become loved and I like being loved.
    Thriving is not about "success" as others define it for me, but rather about me being the best me possible. It's about me sharing friendships, relationships with people who care about me and whom I care for deeply.

    Thriving, for me, is living each moment and being present in my life as it happens.

    Great post, it's good to see you purging your thoughts again!

    1. JO did well putting it in a nutshell, but I do know this you bring to yourself what you THINK. You and i both know our lives a far better than it used to be,I know for me I had to get out of the victim mentality. Yes we slip back there from time to time but I don't "live" there anymore..and the times between when I got here is getting longer and longer in-between
      .I had to choose my thoughts more wisely, and not dwell on the negative, it's as simple and difficult as that.