Monday, December 6, 2010

Tales From The Gas Pump

My current employment is working part time at a gas station/convenience store.

I see my share of people.

  • there's a reason why it says NO SMOKING all over the pumps.  Gas = flammable, dumbass.  Put out your fucking cigarette for the two minutes it takes to fill your tank.  Your nicotine addiction will live.

  • Pay in advance means pay in advance.  If you don't have a debit/credit card, you have to pay cash in advance before you fill your tank.  Why?  Gee, it couldn't be because people steal/scam gas from us.  Can't I give you a break?  Uh, no.  I don't get paid enough to.  Unless you're willing to meet me round back......?  :::raises eyebrow:::

  • Even when you think no one is watching you, someone is.  Someone being me.  I dare you to walk out of that door with that Snickers and Red Bull under your jacket.  Try me.  I'm in a fighting mood today.  Bring it, jackass.

  • No, you can't return that newspaper you just bought.  It's not my fault that the headline is something that upsets you.

  • Yes, cops really do eat donuts on their breaks.  And hot dogs.  Just sayin'.

  • If you're in the store to buy condoms, you don't have to buy 5 other things to try and "hide" it.  Be a man.  Just walk up to the fucking counter and say in your loudest I'm-about-to-get-laid voice "Give me some fucking Trojans."  You're not fooling anyone here.

  • If the slushee machine has an out of order sign on it, it, wait for's out of order.  No, I'm not just fooling you because I have a vendetta against you.  Seriously.

  • If your pre-made, pre-wrapped, commercial sandwich of ham and cheese from god knows what company has mayo on it and you don't like mayo, it's not my fault.  No, I can't remake it for you.

  • I don't set the prices for the cigarettes.  Dude, I know they're expensive.  I'm a smoker myself.  I get it.  but I don't set the prices.  No I can't change them.  Move along.......

  • If you're 13 and you look like you're 20.....guess're still going to get carded for cigs.  D'oh.

  • If you're drunk and about to vomit/shit your pants, please don't use our restroom.  Dude.  I have to use that too, and clean up after you.  Just sayin'.


  1. I don't think I could do your job...I'd kill someone!

  2. I don't think I could last a week...especially if someone got sick in the bathroom and I had to clean it. *UGH* Sorry you have to do that.

  3. I worked in a convenience store in 72 ...that's where I met my Honey ...he ran the gas station next door...I never had this kind of problems ...well except I was robbed at gun point once stupid questions back then just right out stupid people...I guess things really don't change so much do they ...You have a hard job there ...I wouldn't do it now ...hugs ..Granny ...God is good

  4. @PJS

    There are days where I come close, lol!

  5. @Jenn

    It's better than working fast food. Most days!

  6. @Sally Jo

    Now I haven't been held up, now it will happen today. lol!

  7. parts of your job sound sucky... but the 'people watching' has gotta be worth something!

  8. One of my nephews worked at a convenience type establishment...I can't remember if someone tried to rob them, or if they drove a vehicle into the building- either way they decided there had to be better things out there to do than that-I've worked at jobs where you deal with the public, it isn't easy-

  9. Dang....I hope I never wander into your store. You sound like the convenience store grinch ;)

    Now I know why when I always try to make funny or polite conversation with the clerks they don't crack a smile....geez. Seriously, I can only imagine all of these stupid scenarios over and over again get real old quick. If I do show up...I'll be sure to harass you on each of that I have the inside view on all this :)

  10. I worked for a gas staton once. I was working my first, and only, overnight shift. Two guys came in to buy beer. Three hours later, one of the guy staggered back with a gaping wound on his forehead and passed out in front of my register. AND some idiot mother let her kid walk to the store at 12:30 at night and the little boy wanted to play hero. So I had to keep away from the blood gushing out of the man's forehead, call 911 and tell people that I couldn't ring them up at that moment, that they had to fucking wait. And I made a point to tell the cops that the kid walked to the store from his house up the street so hopefully that Mom got a visit. I dont envy you.