I see my share of ........um.......stupid people.
- there's a reason why it says NO SMOKING all over the pumps. Gas = flammable, dumbass. Put out your fucking cigarette for the two minutes it takes to fill your tank. Your nicotine addiction will live.
- Pay in advance means pay in advance. If you don't have a debit/credit card, you have to pay cash in advance before you fill your tank. Why? Gee, it couldn't be because people steal/scam gas from us. Can't I give you a break? Uh, no. I don't get paid enough to. Unless you're willing to meet me round back......? :::raises eyebrow:::
- Even when you think no one is watching you, someone is. Someone being me. I dare you to walk out of that door with that Snickers and Red Bull under your jacket. Try me. I'm in a fighting mood today. Bring it, jackass.
- No, you can't return that newspaper you just bought. It's not my fault that the headline is something that upsets you.
- Yes, cops really do eat donuts on their breaks. And hot dogs. Just sayin'.
- If you're in the store to buy condoms, you don't have to buy 5 other things to try and "hide" it. Be a man. Just walk up to the fucking counter and say in your loudest I'm-about-to-get-laid voice "Give me some fucking Trojans." You're not fooling anyone here.
- If the slushee machine has an out of order sign on it, it means.......no, wait for it........it's out of order. No, I'm not just fooling you because I have a vendetta against you. Seriously.
- If your pre-made, pre-wrapped, commercial sandwich of ham and cheese from god knows what company has mayo on it and you don't like mayo, it's not my fault. No, I can't remake it for you.
- I don't set the prices for the cigarettes. Dude, I know they're expensive. I'm a smoker myself. I get it. but I don't set the prices. No I can't change them. Move along.......
- If you're 13 and you look like you're 20.....guess what....you're still going to get carded for cigs. D'oh.
- If you're drunk and about to vomit/shit your pants, please don't use our restroom. Dude. I have to use that too, and clean up after you. Just sayin'.
